Coversation Partners: Meeting 6

           I intentionally titled this post conversation partner meeting six instead of calling it our final meeting, as it most definitely is not our final meeting. Ileana and I have enjoyed each other’s company so much, and we plan on meeting each other at least once again this week. She has finished up the semester with IEP, so she has a decent amount of free time.

            As far as the interview update goes, we don’t exactly know where she stands yet. Regardless, I still plan on helping her to strengthen her interviews. She definitely has the charisma and the ability to take on these jobs; she just needs to develop interview finesse. Hopefully this won’t take too much time to achieve, considering how quick she is to pick up on new topics.

            This time, she mainly wanted to talk to me. She knew that I had gone home for my grandfather’s funeral, so she wanted to make sure that I was emotionally okay. I explained that I don’t find these situations too difficult to deal with anymore and that I was actually much more concerned about the mental wellbeing of my mother instead. Even throughout the week, she has been texting me asking how my mother is doing and ensuring that the family is making it through this difficult time. It is incredible that she clearly deeply cares about my family and me considering we have only known each other for about a month and a half.

            As I reflect on my time this semester with Ileana, I feel truly grateful to have been able to participate in such a fantastic, eye-opening, and fun experience. I have learned about a new culture, new phrases, new ideas, and most importantly: new food. I hope I can continue to learn from Ileana as we both proceed in our academic journey, and I hope I can make more friends of diverse backgrounds, so I can continue my personal growth.

Learning about Myself: Dark Humor

           A few weeks ago, my grandfather passed away. This was my final grandparent. Yesterday, I found out that one of my friends from Midland with whom I swam competitively shot himself. Over the years, I have been to countless funerals for all of my grandparents, some great-grandparents, great-aunts and uncles, my uncle on my mother’s side, a few cousins, friends, family of friends, and my little sister. What did I get from all of this? Well I got a nice heavy dose of pessimism, but I also developed a dark sense of humor.

            My family typically uses humor as a shield to keep their emotions from getting out of control during such sad situations. I have known this for years, and I always would use humor with them as frequently as possible in order to calm them. Granted, they don’t exactly do a good job of calming themselves. I go home and our activities almost always involve death, whether it be attending another funeral, buying more flowers for the graveyard, mapping out where we all want to be buried, or looking for headstones for various family members who are still alive, death seems to be an unfortunate focal point in family activities.

            It would make sense for my family to also have a dark sense of humor, but for some reason I am the only one who uses humor in that regard. I believe this is because I have been continuously exposed to death during a critical time of development. Because I gained so much exposure to death, dark humor became rather simple. I never think much of it, but sometimes my friends point out things that I say that are “not okay.” Like when I sent my friend a selfie of my grandfather’s urn and me in the back seat of the car with the words “chilling with my grandpa in the back seat as usual.” However, this dark humor does not stop with the motif of death. It extends itself out to other touchy subjects. For example, I am writing a paper about the use of crystal meth by gay men as a subculture, so I went to Dallas and spent a few hours around a densely populated area of gay males. Within a 24-hour period, I was offered meth four times (I turned it down obviously). Instead of freaking out, I texted the same friend I mentioned earlier and said “Finding meth in the gay community is like finding a piece of hay in a haystack.” Apparently that isn’t an okay thing to joke about either. While many people find this side of my humor to be harsh and sometimes extreme, that part of me makes much more sense when it is put in the context of my life so far. Hopefully, the events of my life will lighten up and this humor will start to subside, but only the future knows.

             

Learning Moment: So Maybe I'm Judgmental

            A few weeks ago I went to a wedding. I love weddings. Well, I loved the one wedding that I had been to before this one and I love the wedding photos I see on Facebook at least. So I went to this one with the exact same expectations. Well when I got to the venue, I realized that not all weddings are created equal. This wedding was less than stellar, but I have included a list of the top 5 worst parts of the wedding below:

5. There were garage doors directly behind the couple as they got married.

4. The minister was an old man who tried to be a comedian and failed.

3. The bridesmaids AND THE BRIDE stomped down the aisle in cowboy boots. Classy.

2. The groom was found taking shots in the parking lot and the bride was clearly intoxicated less than an hour after the wedding. Again: classy.

And drum roll please……………

1. There was a twerking competition to Wrecking Ball. Epitome of class. I could not even handle this idea.

            So what did I learn from this? Well first of all, I learned what not to do at a wedding. But second of all, I learned that I am incredibly judgmental of everything and everyone. I don’t exactly do it intentionally, but I realized that throughout the wedding I would pass judgment on the bride, the groom, the minister, the other guests, the food, the music, the dancing, the venue, the bathrooms, the town around the venue, the cake, the chairs, the seating arrangement, the organization, the clothing, the informality, and the people who frequently used the open bar. As you can see, there was a lot of judgment. I honestly have no idea why this happens with me as frequently as it does, but hopefully I can gain more life experiences in the future that will help me to become less judgmental than I currently am.

Conversation Partners: Fifth Meeting

           I met with Ileana for the fifth time the other day, and we continued talking about having a cultural food night. This could be because we really want this to happen, or perhaps the fact that we have all of our meetings at lunchtime that we keep pushing the issue. Either way, it still sounds like a good idea to me! Anything with food is a welcome experience.

            We also talked about Ileana’s job search in the area. She wants to have a job and the recreation center or something of the like. Ileana loves sports and she plays seemingly all of them. If I haven’t mentioned that Ileana is incredibly athletic before, she is. I also may have neglected to mention that we always meet at NRG in the recreation center because she works out immediately after our conversations. Regardless, she is finding out that there is a slight language barrier that is preventing her from getting a job. It isn’t so much that she simply doesn’t know the language, but rather that she says different things that are expected because her English is not completely fluid yet. Essentially, she told the employer that she should get the job because she has a great body and likes sports. Because of this, we have been talking more about interviewing skills and working on improving her speech for those situations. Hopefully after enough time working on these skills, her interviews will improve and she can find local employment.

            Relating to the employment issue is the fact that living out here is more expensive than it is in Venezuela. She has expressed that while she does not need a job to live in Fort Worth, she does need a job to live with any degree of comfort in Fort Worth. So right now, I am dedicating some extra hours to helping her interview to the best of her capability. I’m rooting for her! I’ll be meeting her again later today, I can check up on how that interview process is going. Maybe things are beginning to look up in her job hunt.

Uncontrollable Laughter: Drag Queen Edition

            People who know me realize that I do not watch much television, considering I hardly have time to sleep. However, I do frequently watch one show: Rupaul’s Drag Race. While there is no show more stereotypical for individuals of my sexual orientation to watch, I am not ashamed to admit that I watch every single episode. The show itself, while funny, is not outrageously hilarious. What is outrageously hilarious, however, are the various images made by fellow fans and posted on Reddit.

            My best friend and I were browsing Reddit to find these images, and as usual, we found several that made us laugh uncontrollably. I try to think about why we find these images so fascinating, but I am at a loss for the reason. One of the images that made us laugh the most showed the scene from Mean Girls, where all of the girls are in the gym being asked about who has ever felt personally victimized by Regina George, except the face of Ms. Norbury was replaced by the face of Rupaul, the face of Regina George was replaced with the face of a drag queen Adore Delano, and the faces of many of the girls were replaced with various faces of the drag queen Laganja Estranga. The caption read “How many of you have felt personally victimized by Adore Delano?” This image surfaced less than a day after an episode of Rupaul’s Drag Race where Adore Delano, Laganja’s friend, called her out openly about being fake on the show and Laganja, mid-breakdown, shouted, “I feel v*** attacked!” and stormed off of the stage. This breakdown has resulted in the surfacing of dozens of gifs and images about Adore and Laganja, but this image has to be my favorite due to the direct tie to my childhood thanks to the Mean Girls reference.

            I do not exactly understand why the people of the Internet find so much joy in Laganja’s emotional turmoil, but nonetheless we do. Every week she was featured on the show, more images about her mental and emotional state surfaced on Reddit. While I do not find the images particularly malicious and believe that they are done in good humor, I frequently wonder how it makes Laganja feel. Hopefully she too takes it in good humor.

Conversation Partner: Meeting Four

            Ileana and I met the other night for the fourth time at Sol de Luna for a dinner before we each had different formal events to attend. Since Sol de Luna is a Venezuelan restaurant and Ileana is Venezuelan, we spent a long time discussing Venezuelan food. One of the many things Ileana and I have in common is our love of food. We both love trying new types of food and are enamored with cultural foods. For her, this meant eating burgers, hot dogs, and the like. For me, this meant trying tostones, empanadas, and (hopefully sometime soon) pepitos. Maybe it’s just because I have lived in the USA for my entire life, but I think I have the more exciting and palate-pleasing cultural experience.

            As usual, we discussed her progress in IEP, but we focused on it a bit more than usual considering last week was a major exam week for her. She said that all of her quizzes and exams went exceptionally well and that she cannot wait to continue her way through the program. If she continues at this rate, the program will not take too long for her to complete, allowing her to start her engineering coursework.

            While these were our only topics of discussion, I did notice something else about that evening. Quite a few people thought that Ileana and I were dating, which is sensible because I was wearing a suit and she was wearing a red, glittery formal dress; however, those who know me at all realize that these individuals are wrong in their notions. Regardless, I thought that was amusing. I also have a feeling that Ileana and I will not stop meeting after only six meetings. Since I will be living much closer to her next year, we can easily meet up on a more frequent basis. I am already starting to plan lunch dates for next semester where we can try some of the best food that each culture has to offer. We might even include some of the other IEP people I have met and just have a celebration of culture.

Conversation Partners: Third Meeting

            Yesterday I had another meeting with Ileana after a week of issues with her phone that she needed to be resolved. This time, we ate lunch together, which I have learned is a critical part of Venezuelan culture. It is nearly mandatory for everyone to share meals with others, as opposed to eating alone.

            Since Ileana is doing well with the English language, I have started using more advanced vocabulary, colloquial terms, and idioms. Considering we usually venture into the subject of social justice, she shared with me a phrase used frequently in Venezuela, “ojos vemos corazones no sabemos,” which roughly translates to “We see eyes, we don’t know hearts.” This played into our conversation on social justice and empathy well, and that phrase perfectly summarized my thoughts on the matter. She believes strongly that people should take the time needed to understand someone as they truly are, and not simply as the persona they present themselves to be to the general population. She also believes that people need to be more genuine and open about their unique qualities and idiosyncrasies. We both have noticed a lack of openness on the TCU campus, and believe that the educational experiences at the school could be enhanced if people lived openly and honestly without holding judgment over other individuals for being themselves. While I realize that this is wishful thinking, it would be a beautiful way to live life.

            So far, this experience has far surpassed all of my expectations. Not only have I met someone who is likeminded, but also I have made a good friend. We teach each other idiomatic expressions in our language, furthering my knowledge of Spanish and her knowledge of English. In addition, she brought me hazelnut-filled chocolates for the meeting. She said they are extremely popular in her country and that I had to try them. I see why they are so incredibly popular. Now I need to think of something Texan that she has yet to try!